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Recall Two elderly gentlemen, Jack and Harry, were chatting over coffee one morning. Jack. "Me and the Mrs. went to a good restaurant last night." Harry. "What was it called" Jack was clearly struggling to recall the name. —What's the name of that flower that women like to get" "Carnation" "No. It's usually red with big petals" "Poppy" No. It has a thorny stem. Do you mean a rose? That's it.
Jack picks up his cell phone and phones his wife. —Rose. What was the name of that restaurant we went to last night [Thanks to Peter Kilcoyne for this} Problem with a Two-Story House I have a problem with my house. It has two stories. It has stairs. When I use the stairs, I stop midway to catch my breath. My problem is that, when I am ready to start again, I can't remember whether I was going upstairs or downstairs. [Thanks to Mark Sitz for sending this one to us]
Working Out Even though I'm getting a little older, I continue to keep in shape. Here's my program for building my arm and shoulder muscles. You might wish to adopt this regimen. Three days a week works well. I started by standing outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extended my arms straight out to my sides and held them there a long as I could. After a few weeks I moved up to 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks, and, finally, I got to where I could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold my arms straight out for more than a full minute. Next, I started putting a few potatoes in the sacks. But I caution you not to overdo it at this level. From Anonymous
Long-Time Friends Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, —Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for along time. But I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.' Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes, her friend just stared and glared at her. Finally, her friend asked, How soon do you need to know? The email that triggered the idea of a Senior Moments page was one we received this week telling about an older man going out on the motorway (freeway in the USA): The car phone rang. He answered it. It was his wife, "Honey, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the motorway." He replies, "Hell, it's not just one, there are hundreds of them."
Here's a quote we saw in the Coloradan (the alumni magazine from the University of Colorado, August 2001 issue): "Old timers with white hair who tell you things used to be better are full of it. Those old timers just used to be younger and felt better." That was from Molly Ivins who was speaking at the University's annual Conference on World Affairs last April. Speaking of last April, we received an email back then from a reader commenting on Alzheimer's: "Getting Alzheimer's is not altogether a bad thing . . . for one thing, once you get it, you can hide your own Easter eggs."
"The Senility Prayer" . . . click here
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