You know where you are . . . when . . .

 [Here's some good tips that have been floating around the net . . . thanks to Emily Bentgen for sending them to us]

1. You're in the Midwest when . . .

Your first job was detasseling.Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a combine.The mayor knows your name.You have had to switch from heat to air conditioning on the same day.You end questions with a preposition, "Where's my coat at?" or "Were ya gonna sit at?" or "If you go to the mall, I wanna go with."Or you end questions with, “er somethin’?”

When asked how your trip an exotic place was, you say, "It as . . . . . . . diff'ernt."

2. You're in Colorado (or Oregon) when . . .

You carry your $3,000 mountain on top of your $500 car.

 You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home. He picks her up at the day care center. “A pass” does not involve a football or dating. The top of your head is bald but you still have a ponytail.

 Your bridal registry is at four trendy outdoor stores, an herbalist, and a candle shop.

  3. You're in Alaska when . . .

The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.

You have more than one recipe for moose, and none of them involve chocolate.

4. You're on the West Coast when . . .

 You drive to the neighborhood block party. You know how to eat an artichoke. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

 You make over $250,000 and still can't afford to buy a house.

  5. You're in New York when . . .

 You say "the City" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.

You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building. You can get into a four-hour argument about the best way to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. You think “nature” is Central Park. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual. You've worn your car’s horn but it's OK because there's still two years left on the warranty. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

  6. You're in the South when . . .

 You get a movie and bait at the same store. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural. After ten years of living there you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"

 "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.