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Generic [Ethnic] Jokes
Did you hear about that [ insert ethnic name ] who works in the US Department of Homeland Security ? is in charge of inbound flights to the US ? to make certain no hijacker or terrorist gets on the plane
He was the one who ordered that all passengers on that British Airways flight number 223 to Dulles on New Year's Eve be searched after the plane had safely landed.
Raking Leaves Why did the [insert ethnic name] break [his/her] leg when raking leaves? Because [he/she] fell out of the tree.
How a [ insert ethnic name ] prints e-mail [Thanks to Robert Parrish for this one]
Walking into a Bar Did you hear about these two [ insert ethnic name ] who walked into a bar? You'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
?Peel and Win? in the Coffee Shop A [insert name] goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on [his/her] coffee cup. So [he/she] peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motor home [exclamation point removed] I've won a motor home [exclamation point removed]" The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch." But the [insert name] keeps screaming, "I've won a motor home [exclamation point removed] I've won a motor home." Finally, the manager comes over and says, "I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we don't even have that as a prize [exclamation point removed]" The [insert name] says, "No it's not a mistake. I've won a motor home [exclamation point removed]" And then hands the ticket to the manager. The manager reads from the ticket . . . ?Congratulations . . . you win . . . you . . . win a bagel.?
Keeping from Drowning"Do you know how to keep a [ ] from drowning?""No." "Good."
Car StolenA [insert ethnic name] goes into a pub. His mate is in the pub . . . looking out the pub's window, and says, "Hey [ ], someone's stealing your car."The [ ] rushes back out . . . returns to the pub five minutes later."Did you catch him?," asks his mate."No . . . but I got the license plate number."
Checking Mail Box A man was in his front yard mowing the lawn when his [insert ethnic name] neighbor came out of [his/her] house and went straight to [his/her] mailbox.[He/She] opened the mailbox, looked inside, then slammed it shut and stormed back into [his/her] house. A little later, [he/she] came of [his/her] house again, went straight to the mailbox . . . again looked inside, again slammed it shut and stormed back into [his/her] house.As the man was wrapping up his mowing and was about to edge his lawn, the neighbor came out again . . . went straight to the mailbox, looked inside, slammed it shut . . . slammed it harder than ever.The man, puzzled, asked, ?Is something wrong?? ?There certainly is . . . my stupid computer keep saying, ?You?ve got mail?.? Plane crashes into cemeteryThe worst air disaster occurred earlier today in [ ] when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a [ ] cemetery here early this morning. [ ], working as search and rescue workers, have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
Copycat terroristsIn an apparent copycat terrorist act, [ ] terrorists hijacked a Goodyear Blimp. So far, they have bounced off of five buildings.
Optometrist's officeThis [ ] guy goes into the optometrist's office. The optometrist asks the guy, "Can you read the eye chart up there on the wall?" The guy says, "Sure . . . I know all those guys."
Did you hear about the [ . . . . . . ] who locked his keys in his car?It took him an hour and a half to get his family out.
This [ . . . . . . ] was sick and tired of jokes about how dumb [ . . . . . . ] are. So she decides to show her husband that [ . . . . . . ] really are smart. While he is at the office, she gets to work and paints a couple of rooms in the house. Her husband arrives home and smells the distinctive aroma of fresh paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. She is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. When he asks her if she is okay, she replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all [ . . . . . . ] are dumb by painting a couple of rooms. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can . . . the instructions said...."for best results, put on two coats."
What happened when the [ . . . . . . ] locked his keys in the car? It took him two hours to get his family out with a coat hanger.
Did you hear in the news that a Cessna recently crashed in a cemetery in [ . . . . . . ]? The [ . . . . . . ] officials have so far retrieved 2000 bodies.
How do you stop a [ . . . . . . ] army on horseback? Turn off the carousel.
Did you hear about the [ . . . . . . ] Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea when he died? Five sailors drowned digging his grave.
Did you hear about the [ . . . . . . ] hockey team that disappeared? They drowned in spring training.
At the last Olympic Games, did you hear what the [ . . . . . . ] did with all their gold medals? When they got home, they had their medals bronzed.
Did you hear about the new automatic [ . . . . . . ] parachutes? They open on impact.
What's delaying the [ . . . . . . ] space program? Development of a working match.
Why do [ . . . . . . ] dogs have flat noses? From chasing parked cars.
What happens when a [ . . . . . . ] doesn't pay his garbage bill? Deliveries stop.
Why did the [ . . . . . . ] couple decide to have only four children? They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.
Why did the [ . . . . . . ] sell his water skis? He couldn't find a lake with a hill in it.
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