[We came across these floating around the Internet . . . we think they sound like George Carlin]

Ever wonder what's wrong with people who spend $2 or more for a little bottle of Evian water?  Spell Evian backwards.

If we are here to help others, what are the others here for?

When cheese has its picture taken, what does it say?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Why isn’t eleven pronounced onety one?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? They are only stale bread.

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUp?

Why is the person who invest your money called a broker?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electrician can be delighted and musicians denoted?

If mothers in the West feed their babies with tiny spoons and forks, what do mothers in the Orient use? Toothpicks?

Last night I played a blank audio tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put in your two cents worth, what happens to the other penny?