2007 04 14
Racing
(Races Suitable for Dull Men)
By E.Z. Pace
Who needs the excitement . . . the danger . . . and expense of Formula 1 racing . . . or house racing . . . or running with bulls? We donÕt.
There are alternatives. There are calmer races that we get our adrenaline rushes from and want to tell you about.
█ Snail Racing
■ World Championships at Conghem, Norfolk
The World Snail Racing Championships are held each year at Congham, near KingÕs Lynn in Norfolk. This has been going for more than 25 years.
Congham is to snail racing what Newmarket is to horse racing.
Congham is particularly suited for these world championships. Snail like damp conditions. Conham, sitting in a low-lying area surrounded by ponds, is damp.
A new world record was set on July 15, 2006. Archie, a snail owned by six year-old Emma Hartley of Castle Acres, covered the 13 inch racecourse in two minutes and 2o seconds.
Like Archie, many snail racers are children. Children make better snail trainers than adults. Children make pets of their snails; they let them crawl all over their arms, legs, and faces. Children take snail racing seriously – when nine year-old Thom Vincent won the championship s a few years ago he said, ÒI have achieved my lifetimeÕs ambition.Ó
■ BBC News Coverage
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/558515.stm
The BBC, in an article ÒReady, Steady, Escargot,Ó covered the first professional snail race in London. The race took place at the OÕConner Pub in December 1999.
Ten snails competed. After starting off when they heard, Òready, steady, slow,Ó they raced antenna to antenna to the finish line.
ÒItÕs always difficult to study the form with snails because they hide inside their shells – but itÕs actually much easier to comment on the race because itÕs slower than horse racing,Ó said race commentator John McCririck.
■ Including Slugs
http://www.hstockter.de/slug.htm
As slugs are very similar to snails, slug racing is very similar to snail racing. (ArenÕt slugs snails who lost their shells?) This website has all you need to know about slug racing, including a good picture of the racetrack:
■Snail Speeds
http://hypertextbook.com/facts/AngieYee.shtml
This website has a fascinating list speeds of snails in various snail races and on other occasions. ThereÕs the observation,Ò A large banana slug has been observed to cover 6.5 inches in 120 minutes. At that rate, a tortoise would seem fleet-footed.Ó
■ All About Snails
http://www.kiddyhouse.com/Snails/
Do you want to know about the worldÕs largest snail . . . how to know whether a snail is male or female . . . how snails court? If so, then this is the website for you.
█ Turtle Racing
A step up from snail racing is turtle racing. There certainly are similarities, however. After all, isnÕt a turtle nothing more than an overgrown snail? A snail with legs?
Turtle racing is more popular in the United States than in the United Kingdom. Perhaps this is because there is more space in the United States than in the United Kingdom. Dull men in the UK who think they would enjoy turtle racing may want to visit the US to race turles.
■ Turtle Racing in California
For over 30 years, turtle races have been held at BernnanÕs Pub in Marina Del Rey, California.
■ Began in 1924 in Oklahoma
http://www.kaycounty.info/101_ranch/terrepinderby.html
The Terrapin Derby begain at MillerÕs 101 Ranch in Kay County, Okalahoma in 1924. Colonel Joe C. Mille
These races ended in 1931 when the Post Office Department ruled that the derby was a lottery and banned advertising of it through the mail. That, coupled with the hard time o the depression years, put an end of the derby.
█ Gold Fish Racing
■ in Japan . . . You Tube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGKHAMNso_E
Watching the race on You Tube is a safe way to watch gold fish racing – you wonÕt be splashed with water. I enjoy watching this video clip over and over again.
■ Equipment for Gold Fish Racing
http://www.speedwayproductions.com/goldfish.htm
This website is a source for equipment for your next gold fish race. They sell eight-feet long clear acrylic racing lanes, starting gates, and of course goldfish.
■ Cruel to the Goldfish?
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/2005/11/goldfish_racing_1.php
As reported on this website, when interviewed by a local TV station, the Humane Society of UtahÕs executive director Gene Baierschmide says, ÒWe believe that animals have feelings like we do and they want to enjoy life. They can feel pain and feat and so we think when something like this happens, it can make people feel possible unsympathetic to abuse of other life forms.Ó
This website also reports that there talk in Britain of goldfish races being shown on TV and bookmakers providing nationwide betting facilities.
■ Will the cruelty be remembered by the Goldfish?
Should we really care about goldfish racing being cruel to the goldfish? DonÕt fish have extremely short memories, like only a few seconds?
Recent research, reported in The Daily Telegraph, indicates that, if you think fish forget everything in three seconds flat, think again. The research suggest that fish can store memories for months.
█ Rubber Duck Racing
They can say whatever they want about gold fish racing being cruel to the gold fish, but similar comments can never be said about rubber duck racing. The rubber ducks love it. It gets them out of their boxes and into the water.
Starrting off:
TheyÕre on their way . . . then finishing up:
■ BBC News Coverage
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/5218396.stm
■ Wikipedia Coverage
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_duckies#Duck_races
█ Ferret Racing
■ The British Ferret Club
http://www.britishferretclub.co.uk
This is the Official British Ferret Club Website, a website with tons of information for ferret lovers.
The British Ferret Club was established in 2000. Its purpose is to bring together people who rear ferrets with respect and affection. Its membership covers huge areas of the British Isles.
You can become a member of the club. Membership entitles you to a trice-yearly newsletter, free entry to the membersÕ class at all of the clubÕs shows, and advice on many ferret issues. This advice includes things like ferrets diets, claw clipping, and ear cleaning.
Caution: this website has music, mostly a tuba and drums. The music is a little too bouncy for dull men. You may want to turn down the volume on your computer when viewing this website.
■ Ferret Racing in Longstock, Hampshire
■ Rules for Racing Ferrets
http://www.britishferretclub.co.uk/racingrules.htm
This page of the Official British Ferret Club website has the rules for Ferret Racing. Dull men like rules – especially these ferret rules as they are so practical. For example, one of the first rules is that you need someone to start the race. That rule makes a great deal of sense. You also need someone to record the race results, another sensible rule.
The race courses consist of three pipes of equal length. Ferrets run through the pipes. The rules say the pipes can be any color. We recommend gray or beige. You may have some not dull members involved, however, who may prefer brighter colors. Perhaps you can request gray pipes for your ferrets, let others use the brighter pipes.
It is recommended that, to have enough competitors to make the race a race, there should be from 9 to 21 ferrets entered in the race.
■ Ferret History
http://www.britishferretclub.co.uk/ferrethistory.htm
The Romans, who used ferrets to hunt rabbits, brought ferrets to Britain in the first century AD. Since then ferrets have been used to control not only rabbits but also rodents. Because of their smaller size, ferrets proved to be better than cats for hunting rodents on ships.
In the twelve century, only the noble born were allowed to hunt rabbits for food. In 1390 a law was passed restricting ownership of ferrets to persons with income great than forty shillings per year in order to prevent the working classes from using ferrets to poach rabbits.
Ferrets throughout history are shown on this website. The picture above is ÒThe Ermine Portrait of Queen Elizabeth the First.Ó Below is a pit by Leonardo Da Vinci, ÒLady Ermine.Ó Painted something between 1485 and 1490.
█ Pigeon Racing
■The Royal Pigeon Racing Association
■ Dangers of Pigeon Racing
Pigeon racing can be dangerous — for the pigeons. HereÕs a picture of a racing pigeon being chased by a hawk:
█ Wheelbarrow Racing
■ World Record Set in 1982
█ Shopping Trolley Racing
■W.S.C. Trolley Racing
http://www.sin.nuigalway.ie/gallery2/v/040222/04022301/
This website has 19 great pictures of racing shopping trolleys.
These shopping trolleys are being propelled the proper way, not cheating like in Sun News article coming next:
■ ÒHeÕs off his trolleyÓ
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2004461787,00.html
This news article calls the shopping trolley race where the trolleys are equipped with jet engines Òthe ultimate trolley dash.Ó It could also be called ÒExtreme Shopping Trolley Racing.Ó Our problem with this is that this is not right this is cheating. The hearing of the news article says it best, ÒHeÕs off his trolley.Ó Get rid hot he jet engines push the trolleys the natural way.
█ Lawnmower Racing
■ The British Lawn Mower Racing Association
The BLMRA was founded in 1973 at the Cricketers Arms in Wisborough Green, West Sussex. The founders, having become disillusioned with the ever-increasing cost of auto racing, wanted to provide a motorsport that would be economically accessible to everyone.
Looking out across the village green a window at the Cricketers Arms, they watched a green keeper mowing the cricket pitch. They immediately realized that practically everyone has a lawnmower – little or no incremental cost would be incurred if, after the mowing the lawn, they raced their lawnmowers. Lawn mower racing was born.
They succeeded: lawnmower racing has been described by Motor Sport News to be Òthe cheapest form of motor sport in the U.K.Ó
█ Trabi Racing
http://travel.guardian.co.uk/article/2007/jan/31/travelnews.germany.germany
■ Those Wonderful Sounds from a Trabi
http://www.trabi-safari.de/e61/e162/e198/trabbi_ger.mp3
If you are like me and enjoy listening to those signature tunes of a Trabant – Òdang, dang, dang,Ó – then go to this website. I listen to it over and over again. It reminds me of when, in the 1970s I visited East Germany, truly a dull place then, numerous times.
■ Old Trabants still chugging along
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/6381759.stm
This article from BBC brings us up-to-date on Trabants. The car has been around for 50 years. There are 52,432 of them on the roads in Germany — a stubborn survivor of the defunct communist regime.
A TrabantÕs top speed is 56 miles per hour. They still belch out fumes that breach GermanyÕs anti-pollution regulations — but an exception to these regulation has been made for Trabants.
FAQs about Trabants:
How do you double the value of a Trabant? Full up its petrol tank.
Why should Trabants have heated rear windows? To keep your hands warm while you push it.
Why doesnÕt a Trabant have seat belts? It might be mistaken for a rucksack.
█ Formula 1 Racing
[Formula One Racing had become boring a while back when Michael Shumacher always one. We commented on that. Racing magazines reprinted out comments. How is Formula 1 Racing now . . . now that Michael Shumacher has retired? . . . is it more exciting now?]
