Dear DMC
4th Quarter 2007

WATCHING FROST THAW

December 31 2007

Dear Dull Men's Club:

I have a new activity that can be practiced by dull men — watching frost thaw.

This morning I was at a golf course where a sharp freeze had covered the ground
with frost. Because the dull men who run the course won't let people play until the
frost is gone — walking on the frost might kill the grass and that would be
exciting — a bunch of dull men were standing around just staring at the first tee,
watching the frost thaw.

Now these men could have gone into the coffee shop and engaged in dull
conversations, but no, they were hardy dull men who stood around in the cold,
with their hands in their pockets — a typical dull man pose — just looking at the
frost.  Some, to add to the pleasure, seemed to be concentrating on the clouds
of moisture that came from their mouths when they exhaled.

As I see it, watching frost thaw is duller than watching luggage carousels go
round and round. After all, carousels move; frost doesn't.

Incidentally, I was not one of the men out there watching frost thaw. I was in the
coffee shop thinking dull thoughts.

B.D. (Beyond Dull) Bill

Merry Carrotmass — it’s more than just the nose

December 26 2007

Dear DMC,

I was nosing around on the web and came across a great web page for
Christmas. It gave me new ideas for decorating our Christmas tree. (I know dull
men don’t like change, but I think a little change like what I found on this web
page should be OK.)

I am talking about decorating the tree with carrots. The web page is from the
World Museum of Carrots. Click here to see the museum’s Carrotmass page,
and here’s its URL:

http://www.carrotmuseum.co.uk/christmas.html

I see in this picture, which if from the web page, that they even use a carrot for
the mistletoe hanging over the door.

I of course have always had carrots on hand for Christmas — for the noses of our
kids’ snowmen.

Now I see that they can be used for more than noses. This made my day.

Have a great Christmas,

O. Range
Holtville California

Watching Christmas Turkey Roast

December 25 2007

Dear DMC,

Today I did something I really enjoyed. I watched our Christmas Turkey roast.

This morning we discovered that the timer on our oven was broken. My wife was
upset, “How will we know when the turkey’s done?”

I immediately spotted an opportunity for me to be of service, thanks to what I’ve
learned from dullmen.com. “I’ll watch it — the oven has a glass door,” I told her.

She was greatly relieved. And I had a great deal of fun, simply sitting there and
watching the turkey roasting.

Thanks to dullmen.com, I know more and more how to enjoy life.

Happy Christmas,

Crispin Cook
London

Christmas Crackers

December 17 2007

Dear DMC,

I’d like to add to the Christmas Crackers you have on your website a few that I
saw in the Sunday papers in London.

What would you have if all the cars in Britain were red?

A red carnation

Why do birds fly south in winter?

Because it is too far to walk

Why can’t a bike stand up by itself?

Because it’s two tired

What do you call two robbers?

A pair of knickers

Knock, knock

Who’s there?

Arthur

Arthur who?

Arthur any mince pies left?

Happy Christmas,

Christopher Kringle

Font Magazine

December 16 2007

Dear DMC,

I see a subscription to Seed Magazine on your list of suggested gifts for dull men.
Another magazine I think would be good for the list is Font Magazine:

http://www.fontshop.com/features/fontmag/006/

An ad for the magazine says it “regales readers twice a month with free fonts,
typographic tips, and trends.” I think that says it all — the magazine qualifies for
your list.

Christmassy yours,

Pamela Palmer

CERTIFICATE OF ACHIEVEMENT
FROM DULL MEN’S CLUB

December 9 2007

Dear DMC,

      Hello from me again.

      I am very pleased to say I passed the Test of Dullness and have successfully
downloaded and modified my certificate of achievement.

      Thank you so much for recognizing our need for official recognition.

Morrell Fishbourne
Ingleburn
New South Wales

+ + + + + + +

Dear Morrell,

      Congratulations. That’s great.

      We agree. Dull men need recognition from time to time. Dull recognition. The
certificate is appropriately dull, we think.

      Now the next thing for you is to keep on keeping on — being dull.

     “How do you get to Carnegie Hall?” the tourist in New York asks as New
Yorker. “Practice, practice, practice,” replies the New Yorker.

      Thanks for the fine email to us. It made our day.

Sincerely,

Grover

Portland’s 42nd Avenue — change to Douglas Adams Boulevard?

December 6 2007

Dear Dull Men:

It's not often that I can find a cause that is worth supporting, or even having an
opinion on one way or another.

Recently, however, I discovered a local group dedicated to renaming 42nd Ave to
'Douglas Adams Blvd'.

Those of you who have read Adams' work know that 42 has a special significance; It is the answer to life, the universe and everything. Personally, I find
that to be a perfectly acceptable answer to what otherwise would be a question
ripe with exciting argument.

Their website, http://rename42nd.org/, explains that this is, in fact, not a joke.

Personally, I'd like to see it happen.

Pat Highgate
Portland Oregon

SANTA LIKES OUR LUGGAGE CAROUSELS REORTS

WOULD LIKE SIMILAR REPORTS FOR CHIMNEYS

December 2 2007

Dear DMC,

As my big day approaches, I get more and more concerned about what I’ll Be
facing. It’s difficult these days to find the chimneys. And more and more
obstacles . . . airplanes . . . wires . . . snowballs.

I wish there were reports for me like your airport luggage carousel reports. These
reports are terrific. They will be so useful for holiday travelers.

Merry Christmas,

Santa Claus

Microscope Fun — Watching Crystals Forming

November 29 2007

Dear DMC,

Love the site.

I am fortunate enough to have access to a microscope and highly concentrated
salt and sugar solutions.

I am able to waste hours while appearing to be busy at work by watching the
solution dry and crystals form. It is quite relaxing and mesmerizing.

Variety can be had by using different compounds -- common ones are table salt,
table sugar, baking soda and Epsom salts.

A bit more high-tech than a lounge chair and freshly painted wall, but just as
effective.

 plainly yours,

Gary Bird

Tucson Arizona

+  +  +  +  +

Dear Gary,

This is a great suggestion for safe excitement. And an idea for those who are
looking for what to give a dull man for Christmas. A microscope. Is there a
particular microscope you recommend for this? If so, please let us know. We will
include it on our list of Gift Suggestions for dull men.

Sincerely,

Grover

Legislating Apostrophes in Arkansas

November 23 2007

Dear DMC

Here is a link to some old news about the Arkansas apostrophe.  Or, if you
prefer, Arkansas’s apostrophe. 

http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/004291.html

Do Arkansas lawyers hold with habeaw corpus?  I suppose that’s another
question.

Steve Reszetniak

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Steve,

Apparently there’s no need now for Lynne Truss (“Eats, Shoots & Leaves”) in
Arkansas. The state’s legislature has taken over her job.

We’re wondering — America’s Bill of Rights, the First Amendment to its
constitution, provides for freedom of religion — should there also be an
amendment for freedom of grammar?

Sincerely,

Grover

More to do at airport than watching luggage carousels

November 20 2007

Dear DMC,

As a fabricator welder I always check out the welding on luggage trolleys at
airports, sad but true, haha.

Mike Mulvaney

Auckland

Dangers of House Building — how to deal with them

November 20 2007

Hello,

I am building a house but am finding that it requires coming far too close to
various tools with sharp edges, some of which are motorized.

I am also told that scaffolding will be required in order to put the roof on as well.

Short of returning to a cardboard box underneath an abandoned overpass
(without risky traffic overhead) . . . how can I get this home constructed without
coming into contact with sharp, heavy or motorized tools?

I should note that paying contractors to do the work requires using a pen to write
checks which in turn could lead to a nasty paper cut. Please advise between
naps.

Signed,

Dwayne (Dully staring at a hammer)

Elliston, Virginia

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Dwayne,

I see your problems. Let’s break them down step-by-steps (dull men like to
be methodical, right?)

Tools with sharp edges. You apparently are building a wood house. A lot of
sawing needed. Perhaps you should switch to a brick house. Just play around
with bricks and mortar. Although with a brick house I think you will need
something sharp to cut some of the bricks to the right length.

So why not an igloo? This can be done without cutting anything. Simply freeze
the blocks of ice in the right sizes.

Here is a good example of igloo building, from offthemark.com:

(Click here to see his cartoon on the website, and then look at all the other great
cartoons on the website as well.)

But I just remembered — you live in Virginia. It’s unlikely that an igloo would be
practical there.

So why not a sod house? Click here for instructions, from nebraskastudies.org,
for building a sod house.

Scaffolding. It’s too bad an igloo won’t be good for you. You could use a few
blocks of ice for your scaffolding, arranged in a stair step pattern. There would be
no problem to remove them when you are done — simply let them melt.

For a soddy, making a pile of dirt to stand on makes the most sense.

Paper Cuts. Paper cuts are indeed a risk. Have you thought about wearing
surgical gloves while you are write the checks?

As for information about the seriousness of paper cuts — perhaps they are not
too serious — click here.

Another thing could try is hire a company that takes credits cards.

Or pay cash — after going to the ATM machine (to avoid a paper cut while there,
don’t ask for a receipt).

—  —  —  — —

Do any other dull men or other readers reading this has more thoughts?

Sincerely,

Grover

Speed Dialing? . . . Dan from Bristol likes Slow Dialing

November 20 2007

Dear DMC,

as a dull man some things in my daily life are far too exciting, for example speed
dialing, i don’t agree with it. i prefer to type the number as slowly as possible so
that i can hear the musical tones that the phone produces. another form of safe
excitement.

Dan Penny

Bristol

Searching for Repeating Patterns

(keeps a Dull Man busy for hours)

November 19 2007

Hello Grover,

I have found that searching for repeating patterns in wallpaper can be a fun
pastime. Sometimes you can do it with floor tiles or carpeting. Other times
repeating patterns can be found in the fabric prints of another's garment. Be
careful when studying a lady's blouse however, lest one be misunderstood.
Ceiling tiles are not very good for this, but in a pinch one can count the holes.  I
have spent many an hour while waiting doing this exercise.

Dully yours, 

Neal Forbes

Mentor, Ohio

“The approved links are priceless,” writes Dullard from Florida

November 10 2007

Dear DMC,

     I love this site.

     The approved links are priceless [exclamation point removed] Furnace Filters
[another exclamation point removed] Perfect [one more exclamation point
removed] ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

     Keep up the good work.

Yours in dullness,

Ray the Dullard

St. Petersburg, Florida

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Ray,

Many thanks for your email to us about this topic. It’s a reminder that winter is
coming up. Now is a good time for dull men to be checking their furnace filters.

To aid in this, here is the link to “The Exciting World of Furnace Filters”:

http://www.allergybuyersclub.com/compare-furnace-filters.html

Sincerely,

Grover

PS: Ray . . . a question just popped into my mind . .  . if you live in Florida, do you
really have any concerns about furnace filters? 

A Dullatot Suggests Some New  Sate Excitement — Pritt Stick Rolling

November 14 2007

Dear DMC,

I am not so much a dull man, as a dull child. The things that fascinate young kids
my age do not move me. I like the simple; buttons, lights, cones.

I thought, in my ignorance of youth, I might share something with you. A new
form of Safe Excitement: Pritt Rolling. You roll a Pritt Stick (of glue, naturally)
along a table. The results can be too much for one dull man to cope with, so why
not do it with two? Also, note how the speed and direction vary as the amount of
glue is differed.

Something that may be too exciting for the dull: Hoop flicks. Take a large
playground hoop, and roll it along the floor. Try again, but just before you let go,
flick your wrist. The hoop in question should come spinning back to you. Superb.

I hope you enjoy my "games", and please accept me as one of your own.

Thank you.

William

Abingdon, England

Researching for a book on naps (a real sleeper?)

November 13 2007

Dear DMC,

DMC members might or might not be interested in my current research on naps.
At the moment I am inviting submission of slightly unusual nap narratives for
inclusion in an eventual book (a sleeper).

Michael Rothery

Twin Butte, Alberta

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Michael,

What a great idea for a book.

How should submissions be sent to you — emailed to mrothery@lincsat.com?

Good luck with your research.

Sincerely,

Grover

Boarding Pass Collection

October 30 2007

Dear DMC:

In previous years, airlines used small cardboard luggage tags with a small rubber
band for attaching the tag to your suitcase handle. In a few years of traveling I
managed to have a sizeable number on my luggage handle. Unfortunately, with
the advent of computerized, personalized luggage tags one cannot leave the
tags on as before. One more dull pastime has met its demise.

Andy DiPlama

Upstate New York

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Andy:

Did you take a picture of the tags on your luggage handle? If so, perhaps you could email the picture to us; we’d love to post it on dullmen.com

Grover

Defragging Joys

October 31 2007

Dear DMC,

I do enjoy your site.

I'm sure you must get this one often as I'm sure I am not the only guy who
enjoys watching his computer defragmenting program run. I like to pop it up to
full screen mode with the full detail showing along with having the legend up so I
can identify the kinds of data moving around on my screen. It is one time that I
can do organizing and just sit in a comfy chair and watch it without stressing out
about putting something where I won't find it again.

Jim

Stratham, New Hampshire

Pokey Award — awarded by New York City Straphangers

October 31 2007

Dear DMC,

I have found the best bus for dull men to ride in New York City. The city’s
Straphangers Campaign has awarded its sixth annual Pokey Award. The award
is for the slowest bus route in the city. This year’s award went to the M23
crosstown bus.

The bus crosses the town at 23rd Street, the street that runs between
the Chelsea Piers on the West Side to Peter Cooper Village on the East Side.

The bus was clocked at 4 miles per hour. (The average person walks at 3 miles
per hour.)

Here is the Straphangers’ website with more information about this and a picture of the award — a snail mounted on a pedestal:

http://www.straphangers.org/pokeyaward/07/index.html

Here is a great article from The New York Times about this award-winning bus:

http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/10/30/and-the-award-for-slowest-city-
bus-goes-to/

Yours truly,

Winston Winthrop

Extreme Pumpkins

October 31 2007

Dear DMC,

As today is Halloween, I think readers will enjoy reading this website, Extreme
Pumpkins:

http://www.extremepumpkins.com/

It has very useful information about how to carve pumpkins — information about
  the tools and techniques to use. Also some design ideas. Many of the designs
are too scary for me, however. I simply like to carve a face with a pleasant smile
on the pumpkin.

The website says that pumpkin carving will never be the same. But don’t we want
things to stay the same?

They even have a book out now:

I became interested in these pumpkins when I was watching CBS’s Sunday
Morning program last Sunday morning. Bill Geist was talking about extreme
gardeners who grow giant pumpkins. They have contests for the giants. The
winner was 1,566 pounds.

Here’s a link to the CBS website where you can find that Bill Geist lists six
websites about these undull pumpkins:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/1998/07/09/sunday/main13562.shtml

Dully yours,

S. Cary

Collecting Airline Boarding Passes

October 28, 2007

Dear DMC,

I collect airline boarding passes from the flights I take - can you see any merit
in having a special section on dullmen.org for those who share this exciting
hobby?

Ian Loftus

Perth Australia

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Ian,

Thanks for your email. At first I thought that’s a great idea, a page about
collecting airline boarding passes. I googled the idea. I was thinking there would
already be a website for this. After all, there are numerous websites about
collecting airsickness bags. But I found no mention on the internet about
collecting airline boarding passes.

What I did find, however, was something all of us should be aware of — much
information is revealed on them:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/idcards/story/0,,1766266,00.html

Perhaps this is a reason for not collecting airline boarding passes, or at least
not displaying a collection of them. Too much information about the passengers
can be revealed when the collection is on display.

Grover

Formula 1 no longer boring?

October 21 2007

Dear DMC,

I was disappointed when watching BBC News 24 this morning when Andrew Pierce, who was reviewing the day’s newspapers, said that he always thought Formula 1 racing was boring but that this is changing now that Louis Hamilton is doing so well.

I wish Formula 1 would stay boring. I think that’s why I like it.
Yours in dullness,

Wilbur Blandford, Member DMC
Ponders End

+ + + + + + +

Dear Wilbur,

Formula 1 may return to being boring, even with Louis Hamilton in the saddle now. If he keeps winning and winning, Formula 1 will be boring again because it will be so predictable. It will be just like when Schumacher won all the time.

Dull like predictability.

Sincerely,

Grover

SoHo, EHo, WHo, NoLIta, TriBeCa

October 18, 2007

Dear DMC,

The activists who invented the SoHo name back in the 1980s have a lot to
answer for. It was quite witty at the time, though why the old Washington Market
area needed a new name is not clear. Now it is everywhere - TriBeCa (Triangle
Below Canal St), NoLIta (North of Little Italy) and, inevitably, NoHo. What next?
EHo and WHo, obviously, but where will it all end?

Mr Picky
Chichester
England

The Queen’s Rubber Duck

October 19, 2007

Dear DMC,

I have been reading about Rubber Duck Racing on your website:

http://www.dullmen.com/Racing070414.htm

Did you know that the Queen has a rubber duck in her bath tub? That
apparently is the case according to a BBC news article:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews/hi/uk/newsid_1581000/1581293.stm

Might the Queen be interested not only in Horse Racing but also Rubber Duck
Racing? That’s certainly something for us dull men to ponder.

Cheers,

Don Quack

Ponders End, Enfield

Toaster Schnitzel

October 18, 2007

Dear DMC,

There was a news item on Reuters today that is right up our alley, especially
for our members who love to watch their toasters toast. A German company now
produces a schnitzel that can be cooked in a pop-up toaster.

“There has been a great deal of interest,” says Dietrich Gumppenberg,
spokesman for the schnitzel company.

One problem for us is that is takes only three minutes for the schnitzel to cook
in a toaster. That might be too fast for some of us.

Sincerely,

Helmut Stumpf

Soho versus SoHo

October 11

Dear DMC,

Soho v. SoHo: New York City's SoHo is short for South of Houston (pron.
HOUSE-tun), a street that marks the border of a section of the city.

Tom Baehr

Putney Vermont

+  +  +  +  +  +  +

Dear Tom,

Thanks for this added information about Soho versus SoHo. I expect the
information being provided now on dullmen.com — your email and the email to
us on October 6 from Mr. Picky of Chichester — about the differences between
Soho and SoHo will spark up dinner party conversations for weeks to come.

Different topic: how is the Fall Foliage coming along up there in your neck of the
woods? Are the leaves changing colors now? That is always so much fun to watch.

Sincerely,

Grover

October 7, 2007

Dear DMC,

Every few months I detect my pacemaker adds a few extra beats. Usually it
speeds up if say I skip a bath in favour of a shower. Hasty decisions often affect
me that way.

So I log on to DM to see how others deal with everyday stress and its
consequences.

The exciting news is that in a day or two I am then back to normal!

Zoof
BC, Canada

IgNobel Prize — Awarded for Important Breakthrough in Indexing

October 5, 2007

Dear DMC

Here is some news of the Ig Nobel prize awards. One of the winners
investigated the burning question of how to index the word “the”. Life does not
get much more exciting than that.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2007/oct/05/1

Steve Reszetniak

 Dust Cap Appreciation and Promotion Society

(Tyre Air Valve Caps)

October 3, 2007

Dear DMC,

Thanks for your e-mail, please go ahead and post a link :)

The Dust Cap of the Week feature is still running . . . albeit a few months behind
schedule. We found that uploading a new dust cap every single week was just
too much excitement for our members to take.

Yours in the good name of tyre inflation safety products,

Matt Worthington

D.C.A.P.S. Chairman

-  -  -  -  -  -  -

October 3, 2007

Dear Matt,

Your website is great. We apologize for not posting your email to us last January yet to dullmen.com. We'll post it now, if that's OK with you. Is there still the Dust
Cap of the Week feature? I clicked on the button . . . the page I got to was
empty. 

Sincerely,

Grover Click

Assistant Vice President

Dull Men’s Club

-  -  -  -  -  -  -

Subject: My dull website

January 10, 2007

Dear DMC,

I have recently become quite impartial to tyre valve appreciation. It is a safe, risk
free, and financially stable hobby. Thus, I have created a website which yearns
for your approval, and a listing on your website so that others may share the
heady delights that tyre valves bring.

Please visit www.dcaps.co.nr

I would like to apologise for the colour scheme of the site, and I will be switching
to black and white, or some form of grey, as soon as possible.

Yours blandly,

Mr. M Worthington,

President

Dust Cap Appreciation and Promotion Society