Dear DMC
3rd Quarter 2007

Motto for Britain Contest

September 26 2007

Dear DMC

The BBC asked its on-line readers to come up with a motto for Britain. We don’t really have one for the country.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2007/09/the_friday_challenge.shtml

There are dozens here.  My favourite so far:

“Britain – All it needs is a coat of paint”

Steve Reszetniak

-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -

September 20 2007

Dear DMC

It seems that the hyphen has become an endangered species:

http://newsvote.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7004661.stm

            The trouble with hyphens is that if you flip them through 90 degrees they can
look worryingly like exclamation marks.  Perhaps that explains it.

Steve Reszetniak

-  -  -  -

Dear Steve,

That’s an interesting thought you present: that a hyphen could be a flattened–
out exclamation mark. If that’s the case, it seems to me it is a good thing to do to
exclamation marks. We should encourage people to do this.

What astonished me when I read the BBC article was that some people “no
longer have time to reach over to the hyphen key.” For me, it’s fun to reach over
to the hyphen key. I look forward do doing this every time I sit down with my
laptop and start typing something. I think of it as The Joy of Hyphenating.

There’s an Apostrophe Protection Society:

http://www.apostrophe.fsnet.co.uk/

There needs also to be a Hyphen Protection Society. We are adding this to our
List of Important International Issues.

Sincerely,

Grover

Blackwing 602 — The Holy Grail of Pencils

Urgent: bring back into production

September 19, 2007

Dear DMC,

Check out this site for pencil enthusiasts:

http://www.pencilthings.info/pencil_things/2007/09/the-legendary-b.html

Note the info on erasers as well [exclamation point removed]

Jack Bossom

Lincoln Massachusetts

+ + + + + + +

Dear Jack,

Thank you for alerting us about this important issue.

We are adding the Blackwing 602 to our List of Issues of International Importance. It joins key issues like:

• The need for public funding for a transparent toaster
• The need for more roundabouts in America
• The London Eye needs to be slowed down

Sincerely,

Grover

Paddington Bear Switching from Marmalade to Marmite?

September 19, 2007

Dear DMC

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,,2167742,00.html

Here is some disturbing news for marmalade fans. Paddington Bear, a well-
known marmalade lover, has signed a deal to endorse Marmite. There is a lot to
be said for Marmite, but is not the same as marmalade. (I suspect it is not well-
known in Peru, Paddington’s birth-place, either.)

Many of my fellow Brits are getting a little hot under the collar over this.

Steve Reszetniak

A lady, a devotee of dull men, marries one

September 6, 2007

Dear DMC,

      Kisses and hugs to all the other devotees of dullmen.com. 

      The wedding ceremony was lovely. South Lake Tahoe cooperated with the

best possible weather which allowed us to take our vows on a deck overhanging

the lake itself.  A soft breeze lovingly caressed us as we spoke our vows, our

eyes delighted with each other and the incredible Tahoe vista surrounding us on

three sides.  And still, stunning scenery (and I wasn't too shabby looking either)

notwithstanding, our ceremony lasted less than 15 minutes, easily meeting the

dull man criteria for tying the knot:  simple and and simply romantic. 

      Thank you for your good wishes from both of us.

NeoCleo

Sacramento

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

August 21, 2007

Dear DMC,

     I think dull men are sexy. Why? I am an attractive, intelligent, witty and

charming woman who absolutely adores polite, gentle, intelligent and

unassuming men, e.g., "dull men". Dull men appreciate the little things in life and

it takes so little to make them happy. In other words: Dull men are easy to

maintain [exclamation point removed by DMC]

      BTW: my own dull man and I are taking our vows this weekend in a park

overlooking the south shore of Lake Tahoe. I hope it won't be too much for him –

I'm winging it on the vows and he has no idea of this.

      Wish me happiness.

      Love to all you dull men.

NeoCleo

Sacramento California

+  +  +

Dear NeoCleo,

     Congratulations on the good news about marrying a dull man.

     We remember you — you wrote to us in November 2006 [click here] about

having to sneak peaks when you wanted to view dullmen.com as your boyfriend

was getting jealous.

      About the vows: I hope you won’t be asking him to promise to do anything

exciting. And that you won’t try to change him; you know by now how much dull

men hate change.

Sincerely,

Grover

Dull Lodgings

September 11, 2007

Dear DMC

      I thought that you might be interested in this article about Mr David Davidson

of Sheffield England, who has discovered an ingenious, and safe,

accommodation solution:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,,2166732,00.html  

Many thanks

Laura Hulme

London

A Non-addictive Sleep Aide found in Massachusetts

September 6, 2007

Dear DMC,

      Dull, You want dull? Try reading up on the regulations for Mass. Title 5/Septic
Systems [exclamation point removed]

      I was given a copy of it with which to familiarize myself upon being elected to
my town’s board of health. When one can’t sleep, read a few lines. That’s all it
takes.

Scotty MacInnes
Pembroke Massachusetts

+++++++++++++

Dear Scotty,

      Many thanks for this useful information.

      So that other readers can benefit from it also, I found the link:

                      http://www.mass.gov/dep/water/wastewater/septicsy.htm

      One concern, however, is that dull men prefer nonaddictive sleep aides.

Perhaps the jury is still out on this one.

Sincerely,

Grover

Biscuit Controversy

August 31, 2007

Dear DMC

Here’s some more controversy for you. Just how popular is the custard cream
biscuit? And how should we eat them?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6966747.stm

And if that is not enough biscuit-related discourse, there is always:

http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/

Steve Reszetniak

+  +  +  +  +  +  +

Dear Steve,

Thanks for these very informative and interesting URLs. Dull men usually like
to avoid controversy. But in this case — biscuits — perhaps we can think of it as
a healthy discussion.

We have been looking into biscuits and are starting a new page about how we
appreciate them . . . click here.

Sincerely,

Grover

A Dull Man’s New Marriage – One Month On

August 31, 2007

Dear DMC:

I've been married now for nearly a month. I must say, I like it. Surprising things
happen when you're married. For example, you discover that your wife has done
your laundry for you. I'm not used to that. (The wife has reminded me that this is
not to be expected every day, which is fine since I rather enjoy doing laundry . . .
but still, it's a nice touch).

I wanted to let you know that on our honeymoon we visited Alaska. While there,
we took a helicopter tour that landed on top of a glacier. I know dull men like to
watch snow melt. Watching a glacier melt is something to be seen. That was
easily my second favorite part of our honeymoon.

Hoping to stay dull despite being married to an exciting woman (who, among
other things, convinces me to take helicopter tours)

Pat Highgate
Portland, OR

+ + + + + + +

Dear Pat,

When I read that the new wife did your laundry, I was concerned that she took
that fun chore away from you. But then I was relieved – much relieved – when
you went on to say that she reminded you not to expect this every day; thank
goodness for that.

As for those helicopter rides, did you keep your eyes open? Perhaps you

can/should wear an eyeshade. Here is a link to a favorite eyeshade of mine:

http://www.brookstone.com/store/product.asp?product_code=234393&sea
rch_type=search&search_words=tempur eye&prodtemp=t1&cm_re=Result*R1C1*T

Watching snow melt is a favorite Safe Activity for dull men. But I wonder whether
watching a glacier melt might be over doing it. Perhaps not in your case as I
assume you did not watch it for too long. You had a helicopter waiting.

Sincerely,

Grover

BBC4’a “Secret Life of the Motorway”

Nominate Your Favourite Motorway

August 23, 2007

Dear DMC

     Here is some dull material about motorways:

          http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2007/08/me_and_my

          motorway_1.shtml

     My personal favourite is the A1(M), which is an A road that got upgraded – so

it doesn’t have a proper M number.  That makes it slightly more interesting.  But

only slightly …

Steve Reszetniak

+  +  +  +  +  +  +

Dear Steve,

     Thanks for this. This will indeed be an interesting program on BBC4, at least

for dull men.

     When it comes to motorways, I have mixed feelings. If I want a dull journey, I

take the motorways. On the other hand, to “Celebrate the Ordinary,” I take the A

and B roads; I like to drive through villages to see what’s going on and also to

drive slowly by the cows and sheep out in the fields.

    Caution to readers: there is an exclamation mark in the news article that

Steve links to.

Sincerely,

Grover

Two new books — one on benches and one on queuing

August 21, 2007

Dear DMC

     Here are links to a couple of dull books that may interest members.

     The first is a BBC article about a woman who has written a booklet about

benches in Southwold, Suffolk.  Sadly, the booklet is not widely available – yet.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/suffolk/content/articles/2005/07/05/coast05walks_jan

    et_gershlick_feature.shtml

 

      The second ought to be right up our street.  The book is called “Queuing for

Beginners: The Story of Daily Life from Breakfast to Bedtime”

   http://www.amazon.co.uk/Queuing-Beginners-Story-Breakfast-Bedtime/dp/1861978367

 

      I am reading this one at the moment, but have only got as far as Breakfast.  If

I have one criticism, it is that marmalade receives insufficient attention.  Toast

pops up, of course …

Steve Reszetniak

London

British Contribution to World Cuisine

Frank Cooper’s Oxford Marmalade

August 21, 2007

Dear DMC,

Frank Cooper's Oxford was named by Nancy Mitford in 'Love in a Cold
Climate' as the only British contribution to world cuisine, so how can it be dull?

On the other hand, knowing this sort of thing is why I stand alone at the bar . . . .

Chris Sussex

Chichester

England

+++++++

Dear Chris,

Thank you for this information. We believe that the fact that a food is
considered a contribution to world cuisine does not make it a dull food.

We have known for some time now that the Italians contributed macaroni and
the American contributed Jell-O.

And now, thanks to your email to us, we know about the British contribution —
Frank Cooper’s Oxford Marmalade.

Sincerely,

Grover

Thief in Paris

July 31, 2007

Dear DMC

    A groaner for you.

    A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After carefully planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

    When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that's the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

    (And you thought I didn't have De Gaulle to send this to you [exclamation point removed)

Steve Reszetniak

Tiptree Marmalade Preferred by a Member

July 31, 2007

Dear DMC

May I suggest Tiptree orange and tangerine marmalade?  It is slightly sweeter than the traditional Seville orange but not as racy as Rose’s lime marmalade, for example.

Here is a link to some frequently asked questions about marmalade and the like:

http://www.tiptree.com/FAQs.php#m

Steve Reszetniak

+++++++++++++++++++++

Dear Steve,

            Now we have one vote for for Tiptree orange and tangerine (your vote) and one vote for Frank Cooper’s Seville orange [click here].

This is getting to be interesting.

Grover

What’s the best marmalade in the UK?

July 30, 2007

Dear DMC,

What is the best marmalade in UK supermarkets?
Personally I go for Frank Coopers Seville orange.
Discuss [exclamation mark removed]

James
Cardiff

------------------------------------

Dear James,

Good topic for a Dull Men’s Club meeting, provided of course that the
discussion does not get too heated.

Sincerely,

Grover

Ten Days of Watching Your Breath — A Suitable Activity

July 29, 2007

Dear DMC,

I love your website. Brilliant.

A great dull activity is taking a Vipassana meditation course. Basically you sit
for 10 days and watch your breath. You don’t talk to anyone through that time. It’s
extremely dull but fun at the same time. Best thing I've ever done.

Here is a link: dhamma.org.

Konrad

Mississauga, Ontario

Marry-Go-Rounds — anniversary of invention is when?

July 28, 2007

Dear DMC,

I hear that yesterday, July 27, was the 136th anniversary of the merry-go-
round. But I wonder about that as I thought it might have been invented earlier.

Do you have any information about this?

My husband along with his dull friends likes to ride merry-go-rounds. Recently
at their local DMC meeting the topic for the evening was why they like merry-go-
rounds. He told me the reasons are that it’s a safe way to ride horses and they
like the music. It’s safer than roundabouts. And they’re not allowed to ride airport
luggage carousels.

Speaking of the music, I found a website with merry-go-round music for him;
he listens to it for hours:

http://music.carouselstores.com/

Best regards,

Mary Ground

Rum, raisin, and rotten roads

July 27, 2007

Dear DMC

I'm not sure if driving to Mongolia in an ice cream van is a truly dull activity.
Can the members help me out here?

Here’s an article from BBC News about this trip:

When ordinary backpacking won't suffice, why not just take an ice cream van
all the way to Mongolia:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/em/fr/-/1/hi/magazine/6908117.stm

Steve Reszetniak

London

Snowmen/women Against Global Warming

July 27, 2007

I have a question for you dull men.  A type of safe excitement you say you
enjoy is watching snow melt. But what about us snowmen and snowwomen?
Surely you don’t like watching us die. Let us go in peace — without rude stares.

I am a member of the Advocates for Beings of Frozen Precipitation, an
organization whose goal is to raise public awareness about the heavy toll global
warming is taking on our health and well being.

As our president Joe Centigrade has said, “The unseasonably warm winters
of the recent past are a clear indication of a real environmental threat to human
and their frozen simulacra. As snowmen and snowwomen, we accept the
inevitability of melting, but the action of man are causing us to evaporate before
our time.”

Click here to read about us. And here is the URL in case the link is not working:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/44676/print/

Ta-ta,

Fanny Fahrenheit

UPS Pilots Reporting Repairs Needed

July 25, 2007

Dear DMC,

I am a card-carrying member of the DMC. Like many of our members, I like
UPS. I have received this email about UPS’ airplanes several times and thought
our other members and readers of www.dullmen.com might enjoy it.

After every flight, the UPS pilot fills out a form, called a Gripe Sheet,"
that tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the
forms; the pilots review the Gripe Sheets before their next flights.

Before you read further, we wish to point out that UPS is the only major
airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

+  +  +  +  +  +  +

Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

Mechanic: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

+  +  +  +  +  +  +

Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

Mechanic: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

+  +  +  +  +  +  +

Pilot: Something loose in cockpit

Mechanic: Something tightened in cockpit

+  +  +  +  +  +  +

Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield.

Mechanic: Live bugs on back-order.

+  +  +  +  +  +  +

Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent

Mechanic: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

+  +  +  +  +  +  +

Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

Mechanic: Evidence removed.

+  +  +  +  +  +  +

Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud.

Mechanic: DME volume set to more believable level.

+  +  +  +  +  +  +

Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

Mechanic: That's what friction locks are for.

+  +  +  +  +  +  +

Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

Mechanic: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

+  +  +  +  +  +  +

Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield.

Mechanic: Suspect you're right.

+  +  +  +  +  +  +

Pilot: Number 3 engine missing.

Mechanic: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

+  +  +  +  +  +  +

Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.

Mechanic: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

+  +  +  +  +  +  +

Pilot: Target radar hums.

Mechanic: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

+  +  +  +  +  +  +

Pilot: Mouse in cockpit.

Mechanic: Cat installed.

+  +  +  +  +  +  +

Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a  hammer.

Mechanic: Took hammer away from midget.

+  +  +  +  +  +  +

It takes a college degree to fly a plane — a high school diploma to fix
one.

The good news is that none of us fly on UPS airplanes. Only our
packages do.

Best regards,

T. Olmsted

Update from a Bakersfieldian, soon to be a Portlander

July 23, 2007

Dear Dull Men's Club:

      It's been an event filled week for me. Wedding preparations are consuming a
great deal of my spare time. Yesterday, I got a break and got to discuss what the
last word in the dictionary is with my future father-in-law. He found Zyzzyva, a
tropical American weevil. I was pleased with this information.

      This afternoon, however, I've been thinking. I've long had difficulty figuring
out what to call people from certain locales. In my life, I've been a Modestin, an
Angeleno, A San Diegian, a Pittsburgher, a Phoenician and a Bakersfieldian. In
two months, I'll be a Portlander.

      But what I don't know is what to call my friends who live elsewhere. I might
know, for example, to refer to my friends in the capitol as Washingtonians, but for
my friend who lives in Dillsburg, PA, I'm clueless. Is he a Dillsburgian? a
Dillsburger? There doesn't seem to be any central depository for this kind of
information.

      I know you have a lot of readers, and I thought that maybe you'd be able to try
to put something like this together. Just a thought.

Pat Highgate
Bakersfield, CA
(Soon to be Portland, OR)

ps, I've noticed you've yet to put my submission for the Moscow airport in your
airport carousel webpage yet.

------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Pat,

      We are honored that you took time out from such a busy time to write to us. It
is an exciting time for you as well — perhaps too exciting — which is probably
why you took time to write to us. Writing to us no doubt reminded you of your
roots.

      Congratulations on letting your future father-in-law have the last word. And
what an amazing word it was, “Zyzzyva.” I googled it. I found this nice picture of a
zyzzyva:

     I also found a website:
                                                               http://zyzzyva.net/


      It is a word study program to aid people with things like Scrabble.

      Names for people based on where they reside is a fascinating topic indeed.
You certainly get around: a Modestin, an Angeleno, A San Diegian, a
Pittsburgher, a Phoenician and a Bakersfieldian — and soon to be a Portlander.

      Weren’t you also a Moscowvite a while back? Am I using the right name for
persons living in Moscow, “Moscowvite” . . . or are they called something else?
This question gets to the suggestion you make: there should be a directory of
these names. Do any of our readers know of such a directory? I googled this
question, came up with nothing.

     I am sorry about not getting the Moscow carousels up on our website. We are
behind schedule on updating our worldwide report on airport luggage carousels
movements. We hope to correct this soon.

     Once again Pat, it was great to hear from you — please “keep those cards and letters coming.”

Sincerely,

Grover

Frisbee Turns Fifty

July 22, 2007

Dear DMC,

      I read with great interest the information on your website about Helvetica’s 50
anniversary.

      There’s another anniversary dull men are celebrating. It’s the 50th anniversary
of the Frisbee.

      Here’s a link to a CBS new story about this, including a link to a video you can
watch of a man playing with a Frisbee with his dog.

http://cbs2.com/topstories/local_story_167142404.html

      I love watching this video. I’ve watched it five times so far.

Yours in dullness,

Bill Saucer

An Excruciating “Romantic Weekend Getaway”