The author gives unkindly and uncalled for advice on how to "ditch" dull men.
Knowing the signs in advance helped me latch on to an attendee all evening who
was obviously trying to dismiss me as a "Boring Bob."
Be prepared and don't fall for it.
Chuck
Burden, Kansas
Breaking News from U.S. Homeland Security
Dull men as well as everyone else should now feel more secure
March 29 2008
Security is near and dear to the hearts of dull men. You will appreciate this news:
Sincerely,
Grover
Today is John Major’s Birthday
March 29 2008
You haven’t forgotten that today is John Major’s Birthday, have you?
Although nominated by an overwhelming number of people for membership in the
DMC, John Major was later thrown out when his affair with Edwina Currie came to light.
But recently, as the light on that affair has faded, his membership has been restored.
Grover
April Fool’s Day — getting prepared
March 28 2008
Dear Readers,
A leading watchword for a dull man is preparedness. If this applies to you, we would like
to point out an excellent way to get prepared for April Fool’s Day.
As you know, we scout the world for museums that are not the famous museums — not
museums racing to get headlines — to get visitors — and large donations —wine-and-
cheese parties at glitzy opening of exhibits.
Lucky for us, there are many museums off the beaten path. Today we want to let you
know about The Museum of Hoaxes, a museum in cyberspace:
I would think you dull men would like to see the date fixed for each year for
Easter. Aren’t predictability and stability things dull men cherish?
The crucifixion occurred on a specific day. It did not float around. So why should
Easter float around?
There is a knock-on effect from Easter’s moveable date. It seems hard to believe,
but it is even affecting my skiing plans. There has been a lot of snow this year in
Colorado. In years when this happens, ski resorts there usually extent their
operations. This is not the case with Vail this year — believe it of not, Easter is to
blame.
“The closing date for Vail Mountain is and will remain April 13,” a Vail spokesman
said. “The earliness of that date has more to do with how Easter falls this year
than with how much snow is on the ground.”
I lived in England for three years a while back. I learned there that a law was
passed way back in 1928 providing for a fixed date. The law has never been
implemented, although the subject comes up from time to time in Parliament.
The Easter Act of 1928 would fix East Sunday as the Sunday following the
second Saturday in April, resulting in Easter Sunday being on April 9 at the
earliest to April 15 at the latest. The sensible thing to do would be to implement
this law. Perhaps other countries would follow suit.
Best regards,
Ester Egstrom
La Crosse, Wisconsin
Accountant Changes Stripes
The Fat Duck, now with Three Michelin Stars
Not all dull men stay dull. Heston Blumenthal, the man behind The Fat Duck
in Bray, was once an accountant. Like many dull men, he was handy in the kitchen.
He carried this to not dull heights, as was written about in last Sunday’s The
Heston has taken a scientific approach to cooking, stemming no doubt from his
accounting background. He is now regarded as the leader in “molecular
gastronomy.” Although that does not sound very appetizing, it had led to the
creation of new flavors, attracting rave reviews: parsnip cereal, snail porridge,
sardine on toast sorbet, salmon poached with licorice, bacon and egg ice cream.
Being in Bray, a place without a spectacular setting (rather dull, actually), Heston
said, “I have to bring other things into play with the food — multi-sensory effects,
surprising tastes, a bit of theatre at the table.”
He could never have done this as an accountant. Could you picture Heston
handing a client a schedule of numbers and saying, “Please read this for it’s
multi-sensory impact.”
We should point out, however, that the restaurant business is a risky business.
Heston is fortunate. He has a profession he can fall back on. And there is the Dull
Men’s Club, which would welcome him with open arms.
Sincerely,
Grover
Sealing a Bag (so handy to have a dull man in the house)
March 23 2008
Dear DMC,
I enjoy reading the Dear DMC emails coming from “Ladies Who Appreciate Dull
Men.”
There is a dull man in my life. He continually amazes me with his handiness.
Yesterday he was closing — and sealing — potato chip bags without even using
a clip.
Here he is doing this:
Sincerely (dull men appreciators are always sincere also, mostly),
Ester Benson
Cross Junction, Virginia
When Is Easter?
March 22 2008
Dear Readers,
A great topic at Dull Men’s Club meetings this time of year is “When is Easter?”
There is always someone around this time of the year who says the date should
be fixed — the date should be the same each year.
You might think that dull men would prefer a date that stays the same — dull men
like stability, predictability — instead of a date that jumps around from one year to
the next — hoping around just like the Easter Bunny.
But other dull men point out to say that they actually enjoy calculating the date.
And there are calendars that show Easter dates for many many years —years in
the past as well as future years. Some dull men enjoy reading these calendars.
What do dull men prefer? Please email us your views on this important issue.
Sincerely (dull men are always sincere, mostly),
Grover
ADVANTAGES OF DULL MEN OVER MORE INTERESTING MEN
March 20, 2008
Dear DMC,
Dull men are grateful, able take joy in simple pleasures in life, and do not have
the usual short attention spans of more "interesting" men. This makes them
uniquely capable of being left alone for long stretches without risk of them
sleeping with your friends.
Cheryl
Squamish, British Columbia
Roundabouts — coffee table books about them?
March 20 2008
Dear DMC,
For the roundabout experts: Some time ago I saw a "coffee table" book of
roundabouts (images sourced worldwide). My father loves roundabouts but I'll be
damned if I can track it down for him. Any ideas DMC what it may be?
Cheers,
Anton
Perth, Western Australia
-----------------------------------
Anton,
Here is a great website about roundabouts in Great Britain:
These links are to Amazon in the UK . . . is Amazon in Australia also?
Do any other readers of this exchange of email know about other boos about
roundabouts, especially worldwide coverage?
Sincerely,
Ron D’Boutte
AVP for Roundabouting
Dull Men’s Club
Open an Umbrella Indoors Day
March 17 2008
Dear DMC,
I see on the page of March events you list Open an Umbrella Indoors Day, an event held each year on March 13, as an event to avoid. It is a day for people to test the superstition that it is bad luck to open an umbrella indoors:
You say it is silly to take chances like that. I disagree. I tested this out. I have had no bad luck in the days following March 13. In fact, I have had nothing but good luck. I found parking places two times the next day and three times the day after that; I found keys that I had misplaced; and, most importantly, I got a tax refund check in the post.
These bits of luck did not add up to anything as big as winning the lottery. But they were exciting enough for a dull man.
Another reason I like to take my umbrella indoors after I’ve used it on a rainy day is to let it dry out. It dries out much quicker if I open it up. Dull men like to be practical, right?
Speaking of being practical, March 13 this year was a very windy day in London, a day when it was much safer to open an umbrella indoors instead of outdoors.
There’s another website about this, one sponsored by the Smithsonian Americn Art Museum, that has a page called “Test Your Luck.”
It asks readers to verify an old wives’ tale — to open an umbrella indoors on March 13 and note whether it brings bad luck. Then write to them at 1001days@si.eduand to let them know about the verdict. If you agree with my verdict, can you forward this email to them?
You are a daring man indeed, Howard. We appreciate your boldness. We have read your email and have carefully considered the points you make. We agree with you. We will be moving this event from event to avoid to the section for events to participate in.
We also are adding this activity to our list of activities that provide Safe Excitement for dull men.
And we will be forwarding your email to the Smithsonian.
Sincerely (dull men are always sincere, mostly),
Grover Click
Napping Day
March 17 2008
Dear Readers,
We are so sorry. A week ago we forgot to point out to you that March 10 was National Napping Day (although you may have already known that).
The good news is that napping is something you can do any day of the year.
Similar, although it is a National Day in the U.S., it can be celebrated anywhere.
National Napping Day, which is the first Monday after the start of daylight saving time in the U.S., is a day to lie down and be counted. Because of the loss of one hour’s sleep from the return to daylight savings time, we will be more sleep deprived than is usually the case. We will be nap-ready.
Napping Day, established in 1999, is designed to make us more aware of the heath and productivity benefits of napping. It was founded by William Anthony and his wife Camille. Anthony is a professor of rehabilitation counseling at Boston University Sargent College of Health and Rehabilitation Sciences. He is often called “Napmaster General.”
Napmaster General William points out why we should nap:
Napping makes us more productive — our concentration improves, we can persist better at tasks, our mood improves
Napping is a no-sweat activity
Napping won’t wear out our joints
Napping has no dangerous side effects (so long as we are not driving)
Napping is a noninvasive procedure — no one does anything to us
Napping costs nothing
Doctor’s order not needed — napping can be self-prescribed
Can’t find a place to nap? Here’s a tip:
Lean back in a chair at the office, at home, or wherever. Take a nap.
If someone see you and wakes you up, simply say, “Amen.”
They will apologize for interrupting your prayers.
Well-known nappers in history are Leonardo da Vinci, Winston Churchill, and Ronald Reagan.
Napmaster William and his wife Camille have written two books: The Art of Napping and The Art of Napping at Work. They have a website, www.napping.com.
If you are planning a local napping event for Napping Day 2009(March 9 2009) and want publicity, you can email your information to info@napping.com.
Here is some important news about napping. It may mean that we have been
using the wrong word - and that a catnap should really be a whalenap. I am so
excited I almost used an exclamation mark.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Ah, that's better.
From BBC:
"Sperm whales caught 'cat napping'"
Researchers from Fife record sperm whales sleeping in short bursts while
performing dives.
Does "coals to Newcastle" work in the US? Possibly not. But I think we can all
relate to this one: "It's like ringing your internet service provider's helpline to find
out why your broadband connection has failed."
Steve Reszetniak
PS: I hope the fishing is good. Do you use a hook?
-----------------------------
Dear Steve,
Thanks for these articles. Articles about painting a bridge are suitable indeed for
dullmen.com.
I went to the web and found a picture of the bridge:
I see now that it is quite a job to paint it.
I'd like to go there and watch the trains - 200 a day. That would be a lot of fun.
Sincerely,
Grover
It’s OK to be Mediocre
Dear DMC,
I’ve have a saying I live by:
I DON'T MIND BEING MEDIOCRE
I'M ALWAYS AT MY BEST
I hope other members can use it as well.
Best regards,
Mead E. O’Kerr
Middleville, Michigan
Groundhog Day — A Favorite Day
February 2 2008
Dear DMC,
Groundhog Day is one of my favorite days of the year. This year I am trying to
figure out why.
Is it because I like groundhogs? I don’t think so. I don’t know much about
groundhogs. I’ve never had a groundhog. I’ve never fed, petted, or taken a
picture of a groundhog. In fact, I’ve never even seen a groundhog.
I think I like Groundhog Day because there is nothing else to do on February
2. It truly is a dull day. And I can’t think of anytime duller to do than to
stand out in the cold in Pennsylvania waiting for a groundhog to come out
of its burrow. Which I did this morning — virtually — I watched it on The
Official Site of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club: http://www.groundhog.org/
The Inner Circle of the club — men bearing titles like Sky Painter, Storm
Chaser, Fog Spinner, Cloud Builder, Thunder Conductor, Fair Weatherman,
Sun Beamer, Stump Warden — were sanding around waiting for Phil. The
Inner Circle were wearing top hats. It looked much like Ascot. Except for
their faces. Most of Inner Circle had beards, which made them look much like
groundhogs themselves.
As watching the ceremonies did not take up the whole day, I spent the
remainder of the day reading about groundhogs and Groundhog Day.
A groundhog, also called a woodchuck, is native to North American,
particularly to the eastern part of the United States. A groundhog is similar
to a hedgehog in Europe. I think this similarity is what led to Punxsutawney
Phil’s role in Groundhog Day. German immigrants settling in Pennsylvania
brought their customs with them. One of the customs was celebrating
Candlemas Day.
Candlemas Day is an ancient festival marking the midpoint of winter —
halfway between the shortest day and the spring equinox. The celebration
was brought to Europe by invading Romans. There was a custom in Roman
times of lighting candles to scare away evil spirits in the winter. The
celebration continued for centuries.
Learning about groundhogs was easy. “Welcome to Groundhog101” is the
greeting on a great website: hoghaven.com/study.html.
The website’s FAQs about groundhogs are spot on. The answers are from
groundhogs.
A few of the things the groundhogs tell about themselves are that they are
part of he marmot family. There are 14 known species of marmots, such as
squirrels, prairie dogs, and chipmunks. The scientific name for a groundhog
is marmota monax. One of the groundhogs interviewed says that translates to
“marvelous mammal” in groundhogese.
The groundhogs explain that they grow to about 1.5 feet in length. They are
vegetarians, mostly. Their teeth never stop growing, which is why they need
to chew things continually. Their life span is only a few years, sometimes cut
short by cars.
And they hibernate.
The fact that they hibernate in winter is why one of the groundhogs
interviewed was puzzled as to why February 2 is celebrated as Groundhog
Day. Groundhogs are still asleep then. They don’t wake up until March or
April.
Punxsutawney Phil’s role on February 2 may have come from an old Scottish
rhyme, “If Candlemas Day is bright and clear, there’ll be two winters in the
year.”
In conclusion, let’s get back to the whole point of Groundhog Day —
forecasting weather. The stats show that Phil is right 39% of the time —
much better than any other weather forecast.
Yours truly,
Chuck Wood
Basingstoke, Hampshire
England
A new member?
Perhaps, once he weans himself from exclamation marks
January 31 2008
Hello [exclamation mark removed]
I'm Mike "the thompsonater" Thompson, and I think your site is splendid.
Just one thing, is there any way I can become a member of this fantastic club?
Yours Truly,
Mike
— — — — —
Dear Mike,
First things first. Would you mind resending your email to us after you’ve
eliminated the exclamation mark?
Exclamation marks are not allowed in the DMC.
Sincerely (dull men are always sincere, mostly),
Grover
Slough versus Scranton
January 31 2008
Dear DMC
Here is a link to a raging transatlantic controversy. Is the UK’s Slough
(renowned, of course for its roundabouts) more or less dull than Scranton
Pennsylvania?
I must declare an interest. I once visited Slough to watch a football game. It was
extremely dull. Slough’s football team are known as the Rebels. (I am not sure
what they are rebelling against.)
Steve Reszetniak
— — — — —
Dear Steve,
Keeping abreast of this controversy is fascinating indeed.
A good plug for Slough is the quote from comedian Jimmy Carr at the
end of the Guardian article: “I was born in Slough in the 1970s. If you want
to know what Slough was like in the 1970s, go there now.”
I have been to Slough several times. A year ago a TV station did an interview of
me. They chose Slough for the location. That speaks highly for Slough.
I’ve not been to Scranton but it sounds like a must-see place as well. I’d like to
visit the Electric City Trolley Museum and go on the Lackawanna Coal Mine Tour.
Grover
Offshore wind farms — how do they get there?
January 30 2008
Dear DMC
This is interesting in a dull sort of way and I would like to share it with members:
BBC news article: “Ships on legs”
“Rising from stormy seas, the giant turbine towers of an offshore wind farm
seem almost miraculous to the untrained eye. But how do you put them
there?”
You are right about the website of freight trains of West Australia being an
absolute must for dull men to view. As I see it, this is because the trains all look
more or less alike.
Grover
NEW AIRPORT CAROUSEL HOBBY
January 18 2008
Dear DMC,
I always consulted your airport carousel directory in advance of planning a trip
but now I choose to fly blind because I discovered an exciting new hobby during
an excessive wait time for luggage at the Atlanta airport.
During that uncomfortable period while everyone is waiting and waiting and
staring at the luggage shoot like a dog waiting to be fed, I began to study the
scrape marks on the metal luggage carousel to try to determine which direction
the luggage carousel was going to turn. Now this pursuit not only kills time but
can be very complex because the overlapping metal plates cause their own
scrape marks so the challenge is to distinguish those from luggage scrape
trajectory (similar to blood splatter analysis at a crime scene).
WARNING: This can get a bit stressful when the warning bell rings signaling that
luggage is about to come out. During that moment before it begins to move my
heart begins to race as the my theory is about to be tested (fortunately I have a
pacemaker).
This activity has put much joy into my travels.
-
Horace H. Huff IV
North Dakota
— — — — —
Dear Horace,
First of all, let me say how pleased we are to have a “IV” writing to us. We are not
accustomed to such poshness but we welcome it. We have always said that dull
men can be found at all levels of society.
One of our members, a member with somewhat of a redneck background, saw
your email to us and was wondering whether you might be on something. He
asked me, “That guy Horace . . . is he on something? . . . he’s writing to us while
he’s got an IV in his arm?” [He actually got your name wrong and said
“Whoreass” but I didn’t think that would be appropriate to use on dullmen.com.]
Putting all seriousness aside, it is great to hear about the joy you find at airport
luggage carousel areas. It’s impressive indeed. Thanks for passing this on to us.
Grover
The Science of Building Stone Walls
A Dull Man’s Observations
January 13 2008
Dear DMC,
As a man who no longer possesses the physical ability to build stone walls, but
still loves the science of it, I find critiquing other masons’ work to be very
stimulating indeed.
If you look at a wall, or the outside of a building made of stone, the creases going
up should never go more than one or two "rows", and the stones should for the
most part be wider than they are tall. One should never put four small stones
together forming a square either, but it gets done, and is stuck that way forever . .
. how sad.
It sounds like you are really on to something there. I will never look at stonewalls
the same again.
I agree . . . it is sad indeed . . . that people can get away with this . . . their
mistakes set in stone.
Sincerely,
Grover
One Cold Hand
January 16 2008
Dear DMC,
My husband Mitt recently sent you a letter about a website lost
gloves — the Lost Gloves Archives.
Mitt is new to the web and googling. He did not look at that website carefully. I
see that Jeff has discontinued his website.
One door closes; another door opens.
There’s a new website about lost gloves — a website that is getting a lot of
attention — it is onecoldhand.com, click here.
A lady in Pittsburg, Jennifer Gooch, is the creator of this website.
A handful of gloves have been joined to their mates so far through Jennifer’s
website.
My very best regards,
Miranda Glover
Lost Gloves Archives
January 15 2008
Dear DMC,
I found a fascinating website. A real page-turner. One hundred pages of pictures
of 102 lost gloves. Click here to get to the Lost Gloves Archives website.
The gloves were found and photographed by Jess Youngstrom, mostly along
roads and walking paths in and around Issaquah, Washington. (Issaquah is near
Seattle.)
Really interesting is a picture of a glove (#23) on a street near Jeff’s home taken
on September 6, 2004 and then a picture of the same glove taken two years later
after the street was repaved. Part of the glove was paved over — but three
fingers of the glove stick out from under the pavement.
The website has a very informative map of the first 84 gloves Jeff found.
One thing puzzled me. The pictures start with lost glove #2. The picture of lost
glove #1 has been lost?
Cordially,
Mitt Glover
“Evil Machines,” an opera — with vacuum cleaners, dryers, and parking meters on center stage
January 12 2008
Dear DMC,
I read about a new opera opening in Lisbon called “Evil Machines” in which vacuum cleaners, dryers, and parking meters sing. Wow. I’ve got to see this.
Dull men like vacuum cleaners and dryers. I like to vacuum. As for dryers, I like to look through the window of my dryer and watch my clothes tumbling around.
Parking meters I could do without. But if I need to deal with them, I don’t mind. In fact, I like to time things. Timing when I need to get back to my car to feed the meter is something I do well.
One of the vacuum cleaners that sings (an real opera signer climbed into it) reportedly is fifteen feet tall. This is a must see for me.
The cast chants a line, “There’s no one meaner than a vacuum cleaner.” Vacuum cleaners are not mean. They are kind and caring. They are kind to your carpet, and they care about keeping it clean. The only reason I can see to have a meaner cleaner in s song is that “meaner” and “cleaner” rhyme.
The opera is the latest project of Terry Jones, a Monty Python alumnus. The opera singers are all Portuguese, as is composer Luis Tinoco.
Yours in dullness,
Brian Overton
Woking, England
A Beige Penguin?
January 10 2008
Grover:
I came across this story today. Because "beige" is a highly
regarded color in the Dull Man spectrum, I think this situation is
a worthy cause for all Dull Men to participate in.
The headline and byline of the story are:
Beige lovers adopt shunned penguin
By Paul Easton, The Dominion Post (New Zealand)
Wednesday, 09 January 2008
The lead in to the story:
“A freak penguin being bullied because of its unusual light-
brown colouring has won support from champions of all
things beige. . . . .”
You may read the complete story and see a photo here:
Thanks for this. The group that adopted the penguin — the
Beige Brigade — we had not heard of them until now. Although
it might be a group that’s too rowdy for us, any group that
supports the color beige can’t be all that bad.
Particularly impressive is the group’s antidiscrimination position
on the penguin. A penguin, like a person, should not be
discriminated against because of color.
We will be adding the plight of this penguin to our Agenda of
Issues of International Importance.
Sincerely,
Grover
airlinemeals.net
January 1 2008
Dear DMC,
I would like to nominate the following fascinating website for inclusion in your list
of "Approved Websites":
www.airlinemeals.net
Diederik Zwager
Jakarta Indonesia
+ + + + + + +
Dear Diederik,
This is great. Thanks.
In addition to traveling by air to view airport luggage carousels and to stand in
queues to check in and to go through security, another reason dull men like to
travel is because they like airline meals.
